Tuesday, August 10, 2010

“Just gonna stand there and watch me burn, but that’s alright because I like the way it hurts.”

Love the Way You Lie – Eminem ft. Rhianna

I have daddy issues.

Straight up, textbook daddy issues.

You know the drill. Emotionally abusive and/or neglectful father depending on the day. It happens.

I mean, I’m not stripping or hooking or anything, but I always go for guys who treat me like crap. When I date guys who are nice to me, I break up with them pretty quickly. I’m just drawn to people who treat me like crap.

In my most serious relationship, he pretty much ignored me half the time. He wasn’t too bad, but he wasn’t very attentive. Bros before hos, and whatnot. I don’t know. I can handle that. Which says nothing about my dignity. Who wants to always be put second? I accepted that for almost a year.

But as soon as a guy compliments me or pays attention to me, I’m gone. Prime example: J. J took me to his prom last year. He tells me that I’m beautiful and smart, he likes to take me to dinner, he’s charming, he’s really cute, etc. etc. Am I attracted to him? Not really.

Who am I attracted to? Q. A male chauvinist who thinks that called me “dense” last year and likes to insult me as much as he can. He’s not even all that attractive. What the hell is wrong with me? Its like I crave negative attention. I’m just drawn to guys who don’t treat me well, and it is sick and wrong.

I’ve just been so lonely today that I am sick to my stomach. Have you ever felt like that?

Sorry for the emo moment. It just hit me today.

On a higher note, how creepy is this guy that is on Yahoo! Mail?

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Creepy.

I’ve been making a new kind of bracelet lately. I’ll put up a post about them in a little bit.

May the force be with you.

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4 comments:

Ariel said...

I know how you feel, and I'm the same way. I can't date anyone who is too sweet because I'm so used to guys/my dad verbally abusing me.

Josie said...

I'm sorry DB, I'll be praying for you and your dad!

I can't wait to see the bracelets! :)

Kate said...

I can't say I know how you feel, I don't really have any specific type of guy I go for. Except they tend to be a little nerdy.. Not like total nerd, cute nerd.

But I have a friend who always goes for guys who treat her like crap. Her dad hasn't really ever been in her life, that probably has something to do with it.

groovacious said...

Hmm I have a theory on this, people that date guys like that subconciously think that they can change them which goes with the whole maternal/nuture instinct.