Here’s my wisdom teeth experience thus far:
- Woke up at day break to go get teeth cut out of my face.
- Volunteered my sister to get hers done first. [I’m a great big sister!]
- Fell asleep before the surgeon finished his “You’ll be drowsy and fall asleep.” speech.
- Didn’t wake up until I was already at home on the couch. [Jessie got the recliner.]
- Bled like an m-f-er for hours. And it hurt.
- Fell asleep for hours. Woke up and wasn’t bleeding anymore.
- But I had icy socks tied around my face when I woke up. Always fun.
- Ate jello.
- Craved solid food already.
- Jessie and I had to turn off the tv because there were far too many
yummy, delicious,solid food commercials.
- Found out that mom told the people to give us weaker drugs because she didn’t think that we needed the super strong ones.
- Started ignoring my mother.
- My sister went to stand on the rug while mom vacuumed it.
- She proceeded to pass out and scare the shit out of us.
- “Well, Jessie, if you didn’t want to help me clean, you could have just said something!”
- Put my Catholic guilt skills to good use, and convinced my friend to bring me a milkshake.
- He showed up with a milkshake for each of us. [He’s a keeper, yo.]
- He left to go on vacation to Florida. [Maybe he’s not. Jerk.]
- Laid here and ate.
- Ate some more.
- And more.
- And on today’s menu? Jello, milkshake, sweet tea, and –drum roll please!- mashed potatoes! [Highlight of my day, yo.]
- Decided that I was lonely and that I should lift the ban on visitation. [Who needs an ego?]
- My sister told me that I look like Quagmire [of Family Guy fame.] Sigh.
- Replaced the ban on visitation.